Inbox (Eachdraidh)

[starspangled]

[voice] [text] [video] [action]
[locket] [dog tags] [obsidian] [compass]

Comments

[starspangled]

Was it better to remember?

[It had seemed to distress him at the time, facing something that directly clashed with his mission.]

[wipedclean]

No.

[He says it softly.]

It hurt. It still hurts.

[Physically and emotionally.]

But I... wanted to know... what Hydra was hiding from me.

[starspangled]

Are you sorry you did it?

[Steve sounds like it doesn't make much difference to him. But if Bucky hadn't, if he'd truly been lost, then it really wouldn't have.]

[wipedclean]

No. I'm not.

[Because if he hadn't done it, he wouldn't have Steve with him here now. And... he needs Steve. He doesn't really understand it, but he needs Steve more than he can possibly say.]

[starspangled]

I'm sorry you didn't wait for me to wake up. But I understand why you couldn't.

I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, though. I wouldn't let them lock you up.

[wipedclean]

[He takes a breath, and is quiet for a moment.]

If... we get back... I'll find you again.

[Another moment of quiet.]

I can't... I don't... want... to be alone anymore.

[starspangled]

When you get back.

[It's not just optimism or determination. Bucky had it right the first time, he can't take much more of this either.

He snorts.]

Wanna hear something crazy? I'm a grown man. I've been to war. I've looked death in the eyes more times than I can count. And I miss my best friend like a kid misses their teddy bear.

[wipedclean]

[He swallows hard.]

Me too.

[More, even.

And it's only been a few days.

This doesn't bode well.]

[starspangled]

[It's bittersweet, but he smiles at that.]

'Steve bear' doesn't have the same ring to it as 'Bucky bear' though.

[wipedclean]

[He snorts at that, though the sound is weak, half-hearted.]

Captain Ameri-bear.

[starspangled]

Oh no.

[He chuckles a little at that.]

Now I'll have to find a toy maker to make them.

[wipedclean]

[He likes hearing Steve laugh. It makes him feel a little better. This whole conversation has.]

Wouldn't mind having one.

[Even if... a bear of himself trivializes what he is, but... it's okay. It's a joke. It's okay.]

[starspangled]

He could keep you company when I couldn't.

[Which he's feeling more and more guilty about.]

[wipedclean]

Yes.

[He's quiet a moment.]

I don't care what the monarchs say. I won't stop talking to you or seeing you.

[starspangled]

You know that could get you in a lot of trouble. Even killed.

[wipedclean]

I don't care.

[He hisses it out with vehemence.]

They don't have my loyalty enough for that.

[starspangled]

[Steve cares. He cares but he also understands. As much as he wants Bucky to be safe, as much as he doesn't want to endanger him, he also won't tell him not to talk to him.

He won't turn his back on him either. They don't have Steve's loyalty either, but Bucky does.]

They'll have to kill me first.

[wipedclean]

They won't.

[Again, vehemently.]

I won't let them.

[starspangled]

It's okay, Buck.

[He's getting upset again, wound up with no outlet.]

We just have to be careful until this is over. Then we can be together all we want.

[GAAAAAAAY.]

[wipedclean]

[He hisses, and it starts off angry, but then peters out into a desperate sound.]

It'll never be over, Steve.

[starspangled]

It can be if we want it to be.

[wipedclean]

[He struggles to control his breath, his emotions.]

Then what happens to us?

[starspangled]

I don't know. I just know that telling us that this shard in our chest is what makes us special is a lie, but one they're desperate to make us believe.

[wipedclean]

[He takes a deep breath.]

I don't know.

[starspangled]

Yeah.

[It's one of the patented reckless Steve Rogers ideas. He shouldn't be bringing him into it. When the Winter Soldier has more self-preservation skills than you do...]

So Sam made me come to the Nest, but he won't bake me any cookies.