starspangled | Inbox (Eachdraidh)

[It's close enough to an order that he can think of it as one. He almost responds with "understood," but he stops himself just in time. But he has to search for the right word. One that doesn't sound too much like... like he's confirming an order. Because Steve wouldn't like that.

He's grasping at straws, but he finally manages to reply... correctly.]

Okay.

[He hesitates again. What does Steve want to hear?]

I'll be there.

Okay.

[He lapses into silence for longer than he means to. Steve finally takes a deep breath.]

So the arm works now. How'd that happen?

[If it were anyone else, he would've hung up during that silence. But this is Steve, and he knows better than to think Steve's done.

The question he asks requires a... longer explanation than he's comfortable giving, but he'll do his best for Steve.]

Asked for it. Monarchs negotiated with the dwarves, and sent me to Troichean Beinn. Shardbearer smith worked on it, took the insides out and replaced them with... [He hesitates. How to describe it...] ...magic technology?

[Something like that.]

[It's funny, the way Bucky's voice grounds him in this moment instead of the horrible things that have happened. He wonders if his does the same for him...he hopes so.]

Whatever it is, it sure packs a wallop. I think you hit even harder now.

[It's... usually helpful for him, but right now he's having a little bit of trouble.

Maybe more than a little bit.]

It works.

[He hears that struggle, or senses it. Or maybe he's just projecting his own struggles.]

Buck? How bad was it?

[He frowns.]

It could've been worse.

[Translation: pretty damn bad.]

Yeah.

[And after a moment.]

You could've been turned into a bird, right?

[Wait.

There's something about the way Steve says that.]

Did you get turned into a bird?

[Yeah, the way Steve draws a breath as if to answer and then doesn't: that's pretty much an answer itself.]

Yeah, but I was a large one. Not like a sparrow or anything.

[...like that makes a difference.]

You were a bird.

[Steve laughs a little. He can't help it, even if it's tired and a little bit disbelieving.]

It could only happen to me. I couldn't even fly.

I bet you would've liked me though.

[He's not sure he can imagine it.]

I like you anyway.

[He doesn't have to be a bird for that.]

[Okay, he might've needed that.]

I'll tell you something. I like you too.

[His breath catches.

He needed that, too.

It's not that he was worried, it's just... with Hydra no one liked him. He was the Asset. A tool.

And now... well he's still not sure if Steve likes him or he likes his memory of Bucky.]

I...

[He swallows and shakes his head, even if Steve can't see it.]

Good.

[Steve's seen him do it before, try to say something that won't come out. This time he hears it, the beginning of something that ended too soon.]

Something else on your mind?

[He swallows. He could lie.

No, he really couldn't.

He's... not entirely sure he's capable of lying, actually.

So, after a moment's obvious hesitation,]

Yes.

[But he couldn't possibly be able to explain it fully.]

Okay.

[How does he help. He wants to, but that doesn't mean he can, and that feeling always puts him on edge.

He thinks back to the last thing they were talking about.]

Is it about me liking you? Or you liking me?

[Bucky, are you about to confess your love, because he can get you candy and flowers for half-price today.]

[No Steve, it's not that.]

...the first one.

[~~Dammit~~]

Okay, so it's about me liking you. Do you believe me?

[He hesitates.

How does he explain this? Because Steve's not going to be able to guess it.]

You like Bucky.

Right. I do like you.

[There must be more to it.]

[He lets out a frustrated noise, because he's not getting it.]

No. The... the old Bucky.

Ah-

[It's a surprised sound. Now he gets it, and he feels like he definitely should've gotten it before. After a moment he switches to video on his end. Steve looks dirty and beat to hell, part of the reason he kept it to voice before. But this seems important. Bucky needs to see him.]

You think I look at you and see....him?

[It's hard for Steve to refer to him like two separate people. He's not even sure that he's doing the right thing by doing it.]

You're worried that he's the one I like?

[It takes him a minute to finally switch over to video as well, and as soon as he does, it's apparent how upset he is by this conversation.

But he does need to see Steve.

He needs to see that he's being... sincere.]

Yes.

[He swallows, looking away.]

I haven't... remembered enough.

[To be him again.]

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