[Five minutes. There's nowhere in the hotel that it would take Bucky that long to reach him. He must be using that time to make it even harder for Steve to guess where he is, if he's near or close.]
[ It's sometimes annoying that Steve can see right through that, but it's not surprising. Bucky turns up exactly as scheduled, just a little more gaunt, and it's obvious he hasn't slept very much.
[ Bucky doesn't move from the door, as if putting himself between Steve and it could protect Steve somehow, as if he could keep him safe right here in this room.
Steve is distressed, and the hunger's taken its toll on him, on them. Bucky can bear this for as long as he has because he's endured far worse. The Russians are creative when it comes to breaking men.
He nods, watching him quietly. ] You need to eat. We can deal with them later.
[Steve sighs, paces a few steps before running a hand through his hair. He's skipped most of his workouts to conserve calorie, and that's left him restless. He looks at Bucky for a moment, hand on his hip.]
[ Bucky's silent at that, taking his measure -- but it looks like Steve won't take no for an answer this time. He steps forward towards him, then moves past to where he knows Steve's stashed it, opening up an egg. Together, right?
There's chocolate in it this time, four cubes of it. His own stomach growls, and he hands him three. He can only imagine how much worse it must be for Steve. ]
[See, the thing about Steve is, he can count. And he can hear too. Just like he heard Bucky's stomach.
He accepts the three cubes of chocolate without a fight. But he breaks one of them off and holds it against Bucky's mouth. (He doesn't realize that it's not the first time, that there's something familiar about someone holding something there, instructing him to bite down.)]
[ Bucky recoils because it's familiar, because it hurts, but it's necessary, and the sight of someone holding it to him, someone he trusts makes him think of pain. Pain is what purifies men, sweeps away what is not necessary so that they can do what's needed.
The memories are too ingrained into his damaged psyche, the conditioning is still an infection, a virus that makes him sick. Someone says open, and Bucky --
-- the winter soldier opens his mouth to take the bit, obedient. There is nothing that is not chilling about this. ]
[Steve doesn't know, just knows that he got Bucky to take his fair half of the chocolate with minimal resistance. He takes a square of his own next before sitting down on the bed.]
You know, it's more exhausting to do nothing. Why is that?
[ It doesn't hurt. It's thick, sweet -- chocolate. It doesn't hurt. Bucky hesitates before he chews, swallows. He's hungry, and it takes him a few moments before he responds. ]
You only ever really do nothing when you're dead.
[ Body's still working, blood still pumping -- Steve has a body that works at a much higher level than any of theirs. He contemplates his reaction to it, and feels... he's not quite sure what to feel, except: ]
text.
He smiles at the text.]
I hope so. She didn't always approve of the fighting. Said it was just my father in me.
text.
[ he appreciates it. it gives him clarity, comfort to be alone for awhile. ]
Did you eat the eggs I left you? There was a note. And instructions.
text.
['Better' might not be the word for it, now that Bucky has to figure out how to reconcile two men, two lives, into one.]
I hope I'm like her.
[A long pause.]
I hadn't gotten around to that yet.
[Let's hope he didn't actually give them away.]
text.
[ he really doesn't, and bucky doesn't like to lie to him. but that's better than no, right? small blessings. ]
Did you put them back into the stockpile for the others?
[ because if you did, he will be very upset with you. there were instructions. ]
text.
No, I still have them. I was just saving them.
text.
[ because he's noticed. they were small, tiny cracks, but he's noticed. bucky doesn't know how to sort that out, but he'll try anyway. ]
Eat some when you can.
text.
text.
I'll come if you need me.
text.
text.
Give me five minutes.
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He slips inside. ]
Steve?
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Bucky's appearance still catches him a little off-guard.]
So that's why you've been hiding from me.
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Have you rested at all?
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[Steve counts it, even if Bucky probably won't.]
I'm worried about the others.
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[ He shuts the door behind him carefully. And no, it doesn't count. ]
What happened to the others?
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[Steve sighs and walks closer to him.]
It's not enough to just make it through it now. It's made them even more afraid. Fear isn't a good thing with this many people in such a tight space.
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Steve is distressed, and the hunger's taken its toll on him, on them. Bucky can bear this for as long as he has because he's endured far worse. The Russians are creative when it comes to breaking men.
He nods, watching him quietly. ] You need to eat. We can deal with them later.
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Together.
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There's chocolate in it this time, four cubes of it. His own stomach growls, and he hands him three. He can only imagine how much worse it must be for Steve. ]
Here.
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He accepts the three cubes of chocolate without a fight. But he breaks one of them off and holds it against Bucky's mouth. (He doesn't realize that it's not the first time, that there's something familiar about someone holding something there, instructing him to bite down.)]
Open.
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The memories are too ingrained into his damaged psyche, the conditioning is still an infection, a virus that makes him sick. Someone says open, and Bucky --
-- the winter soldier opens his mouth to take the bit, obedient. There is nothing that is not chilling about this. ]
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You know, it's more exhausting to do nothing. Why is that?
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You only ever really do nothing when you're dead.
[ Body's still working, blood still pumping -- Steve has a body that works at a much higher level than any of theirs. He contemplates his reaction to it, and feels... he's not quite sure what to feel, except: ]
Never do that again.
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[But he was close to death too. He looks up.]
Do what?
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