[no matter how he looks at it, someone's called him out. what options does he have? besides not responding, not going, not going alone. all of which he does.
steve pauses outside the diner just long enough to take a glance around. and then he steps inside, sliding into a booth and ordering a cup of coffee, black. the place is pretty much empty at this hour, and steve's glad for that, just in case. he nods his thanks at the waitress and lifts the cup to his lips, but his eyes are sharp over the top of it.]
[It probably seems like he's not going to turn up, being as how he spends almost twenty minutes just watching Steve through the diner window. But when nobody else shows up, and it looks like he might be getting near the end of his cup of coffee, he finally moves.
It's only a minute later that he's skulking in through the front door, eyes wary where the snap to Steve. He looks unwashed (smells it too), and is wearing the same clothes that he had on when he got his leg set down the alleyway.
Bucky pauses about six feet from the table, tense.]
[a few minutes pass, and steve starts getting worried. what if this was someone's plan all along? a distraction, calling him to one place and away from another. but who and why?
he'll wait a little bit longer, get a refill even if he finishes it off in one gulp. he's about to do exactly that when bucky walks through the door. steve stares at him for a few moments, more surprised than he feels he should be.]
I did. [he forces himself to exhale, relax, not jump right into the questions and concerns.] The coffee's a little strong here, but it's good.
[He's really not sure this is a good idea, and just being around Steve at all is an exercise in confusion. There are so many memories with his face in them, but they're all so vague and fragmented at the moment, and he's not sure how much is real and how much is just what he learned at the exhibit.
Bucky swallows hard, but he doesn't turn and walk away.
Instead, he slips into the booth opposite Steve.]
How did you know it wasn't a trap?
[What kind of idiot just comes out at 4am at a stranger's call?]
I didn't. [steve's eyes follow him, but it's not the gaze of someone looking at a threat. a little time has passed since he saw him last, and steve can never be sure when he might see him again. he gives him a hopeless little half-smile.] Sometimes that's a chance you just have to take.
[Not quite. It'll take another couple of weeks to get back up to being fully healed, his serum is a bastardised version of what Steve has and therefore not as effective, but he's already much better and the splint has helped a lot.
There's a bit of an awkward pause.]
Did you ever break a bone?
[He can't remember. He has no idea if he did either, back when he was James Barnes.]
[steve nods at him, but not without a bit of hesitation first. he knows that it's not 'fine', at least not by most people's definition. but he also knows that it's healing a lot faster than an ordinary person's would. he knows just how much pain bucky can walk off - literally. he's done it himself. so he accepts the answer instead of arguing about it.
he wasn't prepared for the return question, but he's glad that bucky asked him something.]
I didn't. Well, I got my nose broken a couple of times, but that's not exactly the same thing.
[He nods, some part of him supplying the information that he probably got his nose broken through fighting kids bigger than him. He's saved having to say anything, which is good because he has no idea what to say, by the server coming over to ask for his order. A low mumble of 'coffee' sends her on her way.]
I read about you before here, there was an exhibit.
[It had been so surreal to walk through this huge wing of the Smithsonian and see pictures and stories, not only about his target, but also about a man with his own face and completely different name.]
It had been a stupid decision to go, every instinct that told him about hiding screamed at him the whole time. Surrounded by people, terrible lines of sight, few clear exits, and his own face plastered all over... but he couldn't not go. He had to know the truth of who had been lying to him, Steve or HYDRA.
At least the answer to that had been why he never sought out his handlers again.]
I saw me, us, we were laughing together. I don't remember it, can you-- do you know what we were laughing about?
[The footage had been silent, just some flickering reel of the Commandos together, Steve and Bucky laughing. Just thinking of it made his chest ache strangely.]
[steve still remembers the first time he watched it, sitting in that dark room, the emotions that washed over him like they wanted him to drown. homesickness. that's the only word that he could ever match to that feeling.]
You were talking about our rations. [it only takes him a moment to think back, and while steve doesn't smile as brightly as he did on the film, it does bring something soft and genuine to his lips.] And how some days you considered boiling one of your boots instead. I'm not surprised that they voiced over it.
[He's not sure what he's expecting from that story, maybe to remember it once he's given the prompt, but he doesn't. It's still just an image on a screen at the museum to him.
[Because he knows Steve won't do it. He remembers that perfectly, the idiot bleeding and telling him to complete his mission. He'd have probably let Bucky kill him on that helicarrier.]
[steve wouldn't allow him to become a danger to other people. could he kill him? probably not. but if bucky did become that kind of danger, it would be because of what hydra did to him.]
[He knows Steve is strong, they were pretty evenly matched when they fought before Steve found out who he was, but it's not a sure thing that Steve could stop him. Clark definitely could.]
[that gives him pause. it's not even something steve did consciously. he doesn't really think about the consequences to himself in general. maybe that's what happened here. maybe.]
Bucky, what happened on the helicarrier...it won't happen again.
[His voice is harder, much less willing to deal with Steve dancing around the topic. Because he knows that what happened on the helicarrier could happen again in the wrong circumstances.]
[steve stares at him for a moment, searching for an answer that can diffuse the tension between them, but one that steve can also live with if it came right down to it.]
[He's not sure if that's good enough, but it'll have to be for now, so he just nods and lets himself relax back into the seat a little in a silent reassurance that he's not going anywhere just yet.]
You asked me before to give you a chance to get to know you. That's why I'm here.
[Now that it's safer, now that he knows there's someone who'll step in if he goes for Steve or anyone else around him. His voice lowers, something a little more human appearing in the usually neutral voice.]
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steve pauses outside the diner just long enough to take a glance around. and then he steps inside, sliding into a booth and ordering a cup of coffee, black. the place is pretty much empty at this hour, and steve's glad for that, just in case. he nods his thanks at the waitress and lifts the cup to his lips, but his eyes are sharp over the top of it.]
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It's only a minute later that he's skulking in through the front door, eyes wary where the snap to Steve. He looks unwashed (smells it too), and is wearing the same clothes that he had on when he got his leg set down the alleyway.
Bucky pauses about six feet from the table, tense.]
You came.
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he'll wait a little bit longer, get a refill even if he finishes it off in one gulp. he's about to do exactly that when bucky walks through the door. steve stares at him for a few moments, more surprised than he feels he should be.]
I did. [he forces himself to exhale, relax, not jump right into the questions and concerns.] The coffee's a little strong here, but it's good.
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Bucky swallows hard, but he doesn't turn and walk away.
Instead, he slips into the booth opposite Steve.]
How did you know it wasn't a trap?
[What kind of idiot just comes out at 4am at a stranger's call?]
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[and then, quieter.]
How's the leg?
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[Not quite. It'll take another couple of weeks to get back up to being fully healed, his serum is a bastardised version of what Steve has and therefore not as effective, but he's already much better and the splint has helped a lot.
There's a bit of an awkward pause.]
Did you ever break a bone?
[He can't remember. He has no idea if he did either, back when he was James Barnes.]
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he wasn't prepared for the return question, but he's glad that bucky asked him something.]
I didn't. Well, I got my nose broken a couple of times, but that's not exactly the same thing.
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I read about you before here, there was an exhibit.
[It had been so surreal to walk through this huge wing of the Smithsonian and see pictures and stories, not only about his target, but also about a man with his own face and completely different name.]
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[steve doesn't look or sound like a man pleased to have his own exhibit in the smithsonian. he looks almost pained.]
There's a lot they left out.
[and a lot they prettied up. just looking at some of it made steve feel like he was wearing tights again. he glances up at bucky.]
Must've been pretty weird.
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It had been a stupid decision to go, every instinct that told him about hiding screamed at him the whole time. Surrounded by people, terrible lines of sight, few clear exits, and his own face plastered all over... but he couldn't not go. He had to know the truth of who had been lying to him, Steve or HYDRA.
At least the answer to that had been why he never sought out his handlers again.]
I saw me, us, we were laughing together. I don't remember it, can you-- do you know what we were laughing about?
[The footage had been silent, just some flickering reel of the Commandos together, Steve and Bucky laughing. Just thinking of it made his chest ache strangely.]
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You were talking about our rations. [it only takes him a moment to think back, and while steve doesn't smile as brightly as he did on the film, it does bring something soft and genuine to his lips.] And how some days you considered boiling one of your boots instead. I'm not surprised that they voiced over it.
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He ducks his head over his coffee.]
Aren't you going to ask me why I called you?
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[but there's another reason too.]
I'm just glad that you did.
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Don't do that.
[Don't act glad, like he really is the old friend that Steve lost so long ago.]
I called because I have insurance against killing you now.
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[neither of which steve is actually willing to do. but he does wear the mirror image of bucky's expression when he does tell him his reason.]
You gonna tell me what it is?
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[Because he knows Steve won't do it. He remembers that perfectly, the idiot bleeding and telling him to complete his mission. He'd have probably let Bucky kill him on that helicarrier.]
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[steve wouldn't allow him to become a danger to other people. could he kill him? probably not. but if bucky did become that kind of danger, it would be because of what hydra did to him.]
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[He knows Steve is strong, they were pretty evenly matched when they fought before Steve found out who he was, but it's not a sure thing that Steve could stop him. Clark definitely could.]
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[for all that bucky means to him, could be called his weakness, steve wouldn't let just let him go on a rampage.]
Does it make you feel better?
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Before you let me hurt you?
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Bucky, what happened on the helicarrier...it won't happen again.
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[His voice is harder, much less willing to deal with Steve dancing around the topic. Because he knows that what happened on the helicarrier could happen again in the wrong circumstances.]
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If you come at me, I promise I won't hold back.
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You asked me before to give you a chance to get to know you. That's why I'm here.
[Now that it's safer, now that he knows there's someone who'll step in if he goes for Steve or anyone else around him. His voice lowers, something a little more human appearing in the usually neutral voice.]
I don't remember, but I want to.
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[steve does try to hide his happiness this time. bucky's willingness can't even be called trust yet, but it at least offers a hope for it.]
Where do you want me to start? Brooklyn?
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